there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
