I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize