he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
