Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
