More tranny stories later!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so let's talk penis.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
