I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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