mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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