hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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