1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
