I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pooping to opera.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
