May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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