make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
