I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
