your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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