i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
