She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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