I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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