Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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