Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
