is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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