A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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