I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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