your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
