You're my little dorito
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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