I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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