my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
