Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
