This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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