So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
