I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
