i think my mom watched the whole time
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
