One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
