I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
