WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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