Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
