when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
