im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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