there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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