On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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