There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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