dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
