Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize