You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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