you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
