By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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