Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i think my cat just said my name.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
