Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
