I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
