Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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