so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
