Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
