yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont even know how to be here
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
