He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We need to get me chipped asap
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
