we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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