and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
