I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
