I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
