Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
