I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
