If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
