Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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