Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
