it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
