my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
