Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
