I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up under a house in Key West
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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