he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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