we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize